Meme Say It Again.. Whatd You Tell That Stray Dog

Russian political jokes are a part of Russian sense of humor and can be grouped into the major time periods: Imperial Russia, Soviet Spousal relationship and finally post-Soviet Russia. In the Soviet menstruation political jokes were a form of social protest, mocking and criticising leaders, the organisation and its ideology, myths and rites.^[1] Quite a few political themes tin can be establish among other standard categories of Russian joke, near notably Rabinovich jokes and Radio Erevan.^{[ citation needed ]}

Majestic Russia [edit]

In Imperial Russia, almost political jokes were of the polite variety that circulated in educated society. Few of the political jokes of the fourth dimension are recorded, merely some were printed in a 1904 German anthology.^[2]

• A man was reported to have said: "Nikolay is a moron!" and was arrested by a policeman. "No, sir, I meant non our respected Emperor, simply some other Nikolay!" - "Don't try to trick me: if you say "moron", you are obviously referring to our tsar!"
• A respected merchant, Sevenassov (Semizhopov in the original Russian), wants to modify his surname, and asks the Tsar for permission. The Tsar gives his decision in writing: "Permitted to subtract two asses".

At that place were besides numerous politically themed Chastushki (Russian traditional songs) in Imperial Russia.

In Pale Fire by Vladimir Nabokov, the fictional author of the "Foreword", Charles Kinbote, cites the post-obit Russian joke:

• A newspaper account of a Russian tsar'due south coronation had, instead of "korona" (crown), the misprint "vorona" (crow), and when next solar day this was apologetically 'corrected,' information technology got misprinted a 2nd time every bit "korova" (cow).

He comments on the uncanny linguistic parallelism between the English language-linguistic communication "crown-crow-cow" and the Russian "korona–vorona–korova".^[three]

Soviet Union [edit]

Every nation enjoys political jokes, just in the Soviet Union telling political jokes could be regarded every bit a blazon of farthermost sport: co-ordinate to Article 58 (RSFSR Penal Lawmaking), "anti-Soviet propaganda" was a potentially capital law-breaking.

• A judge walks out of his chambers laughing his caput off. A colleague approaches him and asks why he is laughing. "I just heard the funniest joke in the globe!" "Well, go ahead, tell me!" says the other guess. "I can't – I but gave someone ten years for it!"
• "Who built the White Sea Canal?" – "The left banking company was congenital past those who told the jokes, and the right bank past those who listened."^[4]

Ben Lewis claims that the political conditions in the Soviet Wedlock were responsible for the unique humour produced at that place;^{[5] [4]} according to him, "Communism was a humour-producing machine. Its economical theories and system of repression created inherently amusing situations. There were jokes under fascism and the Nazis too, merely those systems did not create an absurd, laugh-a-minute reality like communism."

Early Soviet times [edit]

Jokes from these times accept a certain historical value, depicting the character of the epoch about besides every bit long novels might.

• Midnight Petrograd... A Cherry Guards dark lookout spots a shadow trying to sneak by. "Stop! Who goes in that location? Documents!" The frightened person chaotically rummages through his pockets and drops a paper. The Guards main picks information technology up and reads slowly, with difficulty: "U.ri.ne A.na.ly.sister"... "Hmm...a greenhorn, sounds like..." "A spy, looks like.... Let's shoot him on the spot!" So he reads further: "'Proteins: none, Sugars: none, Fats: none...' You are free to go, proletarian comrade! Long alive the World revolution!"^[6]

Communism [edit]

According to Marxist–Leninist theory, communism in the strict sense is the final stage of evolution of a society after it has passed through the socialism phase. The Soviet Union thus bandage itself as a socialist country trying to build communism, which was supposed to exist a classless society.

• The principle of the country capitalism of the period of transition to communism: the government pretend they are paying wages, workers pretend they are working. Alternatively, "So long as the bosses pretend to pay us, we will pretend to work." This joke persisted substantially unchanged through the 1980s.

Satirical verses and parodies made fun of official Soviet propaganda slogans.

• "Lenin has died, but his crusade lives on!" (An actual slogan.)

Punchline variant #1: Rabinovich notes: "I would adopt it the other way round."

Variant #2: "What a coincidence: Brezhnev has died, but his trunk lives on". (An allusion to Brezhnev'southward mental feebleness coupled with the medically assisted staving off of his expiry. Additional comedic outcome in the 2nd variant is produced by the fact that the words 'cause' (delo) and 'torso' (telo) rhyme in Russian.)

• Lenin coined a slogan about how communism would be accomplished thank you to the political power of the Soviets and the modernization of the Russian industry and agronomics: "Communism is Soviet power plus electrification of the whole country!" The slogan was subjected to mathematical scrutiny by the people: "Consequently, Soviet power is communism minus electrification, and electrification is communism minus Soviet power."
• A chastushka ridiculing the tendency to praise the Party left and right:

The winter's passed,

The summer'due south here.

For this we thank

Our party dear!

Russian:

Прошла зима,

настало лето.

Спасибо партии

за это!

(Proshla zima, nastalo leto / Spasibo partii za eto!)

• One old bolshevik says to another: "No, my friend, we will not live long plenty to see communism, only our children...our poor children!" (An allusion to the slogan "Our children will live in Communism!")

Some jokes allude to notions long forgotten. These relics are still funny, simply may look foreign.

• Q: Will there be KGB in communism?

A: As y'all know, under communism, the country will be abolished, together with its means of suppression. People will know how to arrest themselves.

The original version was well-nigh the Cheka. To fully appreciate this joke, a person must know that during the Cheka times, in addition to the standard taxation to which the peasants were subjected, the latter were often forced to perform samooblozhenie ("cocky-taxation") – subsequently delivering a normal amount of agricultural products, prosperous peasants, especially those declared to be kulaks were expected to "voluntarily" deliver the same corporeality once again; sometimes even "double samooblozhenie" was applied.

• Collective subcontract

Q: How do you deal with mice in the Kremlin?

A: Put upwards a sign saying "commonage farm". So one-half the mice will starve, and the rest volition run away.^[7]

This joke is an innuendo to the consequences of the collectivization policy pursued by Joseph Stalin between 1928 and 1933.

Gulag [edit]

• "Three gulag inmates are telling each other what they're in for. The showtime one says: 'I was five minutes late for work, and they charged me with sabotage.' The 2nd says: 'For me it was just the reverse: I was five minutes early for work, and they charged me with espionage.' The third one says: 'I got to piece of work right on time, and they charged me with harming the Soviet economy past acquiring a watch in a capitalist land.'"^[eight]
• Iii men are sitting in a cell in the (KGB headquarters) Dzerzhinsky Foursquare. The first asks the second why he has been imprisoned, who replies, "Because I criticized Karl Radek." The first human being responds, "Merely I am here because I spoke out in favor of Radek!" They plow to the third man who has been sitting quietly in the back, and ask him why he is in jail. He answers, "I'chiliad Karl Radek."
• "Lubyanka (KGB headquarters) is the tallest building in Moscow. You tin can run across Siberia from its basement."
• Armenian Radio was asked: "Is it true that atmospheric condition in our labor camps are excellent?" Armenian Radio answers: "Information technology is truthful. 5 years agone a listener of ours raised the same question and was sent to one, reportedly to investigate the issue. He hasn't returned nevertheless; we are told that he liked information technology there."
• "Comrade Brezhnev, is information technology true that you lot collect political jokes?" – "Yes" – "And how many take you lot collected so far?" – "Three and a one-half labor camps." (Compare with a similar East German language joke nigh Stasi.)
• A new arrival to Gulag is asked: "What were you lot given x years for?" – "For zippo!" – "Don't lie to u.s. here, now! Everybody knows 'for nothing' is three years." (This joke was reported from the pre-Keen Purge times. Later 'for cipher' was elevated to five and even ten years.)^[nine]

Gulag Archipelago [edit]

Alexander Solzhenitsyn's book Gulag Archipelago has a chapter entitled "Zeks every bit a Nation", which is a mock ethnographic essay intended to "evidence" that the inhabitants of the Gulag Archipelago plant a carve up nation according to "the only scientific definition of nation given by comrade Stalin". As part of this research, Solzhenitsyn analyzes the humour of zeks (gulag inmates). Some examples:^[10]

• "He was sentenced to three years, served five, and then he got lucky and was released ahead of fourth dimension." (The joke alludes to the mutual practice described by Solzhenitsyn of arbitrarily extending the term of a sentence or adding new charges.) In a similar vein, when someone asked for more than of something, e.g. more boiled h2o in a cup, the typical retort was, "The prosecutor will give you more than!" (In Russian: "Прокурор добавит!")
• "Is it difficult to be in the gulag?" – "Only for the get-go x years."
• When the quarter-century term had go the standard sentence for contravening Article 58, the standard joke comment to the freshly sentenced was: "OK, now 25 years of life are guaranteed for you!"

Armenian Radio [edit]

The Armenian Radio or "Radio Yerevan" jokes accept the format, "ask us whatsoever you lot want, we volition answer you whatsoever we want". They supply snappy or cryptic answers to questions on politics, commodities, the economic system or other subjects that were taboo during the Communist era. Questions and answers from this fictitious radio station are known fifty-fifty outside Russia.

• Q: What'southward the difference betwixt a backer fairy tale and a Marxist fairy tale?

A: A capitalist fairy tale begins, "One time upon a time, there was...." A Marxist fairy tale begins, "Some solar day, there will be...."

• Q: Is information technology truthful that there is liberty of speech in the USSR, just like in the Us?

A: Yes. In the USA, you tin stand in front of the White House in Washington, DC, and yell, "Downward with Ronald Reagan," and you volition non be punished. Equally, you tin also stand up in Red Square in Moscow and yell, "Downwardly with Ronald Reagan," and you volition not be punished.

• Q: What is the difference between the Constitutions of the US and USSR? Both of them guarantee freedom of spoken language.

A: Yes, but the Constitution of the USA also guarantees freedom afterwards the oral communication.^[11]

• Q: Is it true that the Soviet Union is the most progressive state in the world?

A: Of course! Life was already better yesterday than it's going to be tomorrow!

Political figures [edit]

• Vladimir Lenin, Joseph Stalin, Nikita Khrushchev and Leonid Brezhnev are all travelling together in a railway wagon. Unexpectedly, the railroad train stops. Lenin suggests: "Perhaps we should announce a subbotnik, and then that workers and peasants volition fix the problem." Stalin puts his head out of the window and shouts, "If the railroad train does not start moving, the driver volition be shot!" (an allusion to the Great Purge). But the train doesn't start moving. Khrushchev then shouts, "Allow's accept the runway from behind the train and employ them to lay the tracks in front end" (an allusion to Khrushchev's various reorganizations). But all the same the railroad train doesn't movement. And so Brezhnev says, "Comrades, Comrades, permit's draw the defunction, turn on the gramophone and pretend we're moving!" (an innuendo to the Brezhnev stagnation period). A afterward continuation to this has Mikhail Gorbachev saying, "We were going the wrong way anyways!" and changing the railroad train's management (alluding to his policies of glasnost and perestroika), and Boris Yeltsin driving the train off the rails and through a field (allusion to the breakup of the Soviet Matrimony).

Lenin [edit]

Jokes about Vladimir Lenin, the leader of the Russian Revolution of 1917, typically made fun of characteristics popularized by propaganda: his supposed kindness, his love of children (Lenin never had children of his own), his sharing nature, his kind eyes, etc. Accordingly, in jokes Lenin is oft depicted equally sneaky and hypocritical. A popular joke set-up is Lenin interacting with the head of the hugger-mugger constabulary, Felix Edmundovich Dzerzhinsky, in the Smolny Plant, the seat of the revolutionary communist government in Petrograd, or with khodoki, peasants who came to meet Lenin.

• During the dearth of the civil war, a delegation of starving peasants comes to the Smolny, wanting to file a petition. "We have even started eating grass similar horses," says one peasant. "Soon we will start neighing like horses!" "Come now! Don't worry!" says Lenin reassuringly. "We are drinking tea with love here, and we're not buzzing similar bees, are we?"
• (Concerning the omnipresent Lenin propaganda): A kindergarten group is on a walk in a park, and they see a baby hare. These are city kids who have never seen a hare. "Do y'all know who this is?" asks the instructor. No one knows. "Come on, kids", says the teacher, "He'south a grapheme in many of the stories, songs and poems we are always reading." Finally ane kid works out the answer, pats the hare and says reverently, "So that's what y'all're like, Granddad Lenin!"
• One day Lenin is shaving exterior his dacha with an erstwhile-fashioned razor when a small child approaches him. "Granddad Lenin," the child begins eagerly. "Fizz off!" replies the father of the Russian revolution. What a kind human being: after all, he could take cut the child's throat.
• An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be chosen "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Nadezhda Krupskaya (Lenin's wife) naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. I guest asks, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland" (the joke capitalizes on the championship of the real moving picture, Lenin in Poland).

Stalin [edit]

Jokes nigh Stalin usually refer to his paranoia and antipathy for man life. Stalin's words are typically pronounced with a heavy Georgian accent.

• Stalin attends the premiere of a Soviet comedy moving picture. He laughs and grins throughout the moving picture, simply after it ends he says, "Well, I liked the comedy. But that clown had a moustache only like mine. Shoot him." Anybody is speechless, until someone sheepishly suggests, "Comrade Stalin, maybe the histrion shaves off his moustache?" Stalin replies, "Skilful idea! Commencement shave, and then shoot!" / "Or he can shave."
• Stalin reads his report to the Political party Congress. Suddenly someone sneezes. "Who sneezed?" Silence. "Showtime row! On your feet! Shoot them!" They are shot, and he asks again, "Who sneezed, Comrades?" No respond. "Second row! On your feet! Shoot them!" They are shot also. "Well, who sneezed?" At final a sobbing cry resounds in the Congress Hall, "It was me! Me!" Stalin says, "Bless you, Comrade!" and resumes his voice communication.^[12]
• A secretary (in some versions Alexander Poskrebyshev) is standing exterior the Kremlin as Marshal Zhukov leaves a meeting with Stalin, and she hears him muttering under his breath, "Murderous moustache!" She runs in to run across Stalin and breathlessly reports, "I just heard Zhukov say 'Murderous moustache'!" Stalin dismisses the secretary and sends for Zhukov, who comes back in. "Who did you have in mind with 'Murderous moustache'?" asks Stalin. "Why, Josef Vissarionovich, Hitler, of course!" Stalin thanks him, dismisses him, and calls the secretary back. "And who did you call up he was talking about?"
• An onetime crone had to expect for ii hours to get on a bus. Bus subsequently bus arrived filled with passengers, and she was unable to squeeze herself in equally well. When she finally did manage to clamber aboard one of them, she wiped her forehead and exclaimed, "Finally, glory to God!" The driver said, "Female parent, yous must not say that. You must say 'Glory to comrade Stalin!'" "Excuse me, comrade," the adult female replied. "I'm just a backward onetime woman. From now on I'll say what you lot told me to." After a while, she continued: "Alibi me, comrade, I am former and stupid. What shall I say if, God forbid, Stalin dies?" "Well, then y'all may say, 'Glory to God!'"^[11]
• At a May 24-hour interval parade, a very old Jew carries a placard that reads, "Thank you, comrade Stalin, for my happy babyhood!" A Political party representative approaches the old man. "What's that? Are you mocking our Party? Everyone tin encounter that when you were a child, comrade Stalin hadn't nonetheless been born!" The former homo replies, "That'south precisely why I'm grateful to him!"^[11]
• Stalin loses his favourite pipe. In a few days, Lavrenti calls Stalin: "Have you found your pipe?" "Yes," replies Stalin. "I constitute it nether the sofa." "This is incommunicable!" exclaims Beria. "Three people have already confessed to this crime!"^[13]
• Roosevelt and Stalin are at the meeting. Roosevelt says, "I beautiful thing about America is that we have freedom of speech. That ways that anybody tin can stand in front of the White House and say, 'Roosevelt is a slice of shit' and nobody would pay any attention." Stalin says, "We take liberty of speech in the Soviet Matrimony, as well. Everyone tin stand up in forepart of the Kremlin and say, 'Roosevelt is a piece of shit' and no i would bat an eye."

Khrushchev [edit]

"Khrushchev demands: overthrow Adenauer; now more than e'er CDU"

Jokes nearly Nikita Khrushchev often chronicle to his attempts to reform the economy, peculiarly to introduce maize. He was even called kukuruznik ('maizeman'). Other jokes target the crop failures resulting from his mismanagement of agriculture, his innovations in urban architecture, his confrontation with the US while importing The states consumer goods, his promises to build communism in twenty years, or simply his alopecia and crude manners. Unlike other Soviet leaders, in jokes Khrushchev is always harmless.

• Khrushchev visited a hog farm and was photographed at that place. In the paper office, a word is underway almost how to caption the picture. "Comrade Khrushchev among pigs," "Comrade Khrushchev and pigs," and "Pigs surround comrade Khrushchev" are all rejected as politically offensive. Finally, the editor announces his decision: "Third from left – comrade Khrushchev."^[11]
• Why was Khrushchev defeated? Because of the 7 "C"southward: Cult of personality, Communism, China, Cuban Crisis, Corn, and Cuzka's female parent. (In Russian, this is the seven "K"s. To "bear witness somebody Kuzka's mother" is a Russian idiom significant "to give somebody a hard fourth dimension." Khrushchev had used this phrase during a speech at the United Nations General Assembly, allegedly referring to the Tsar Bomba test over Novaya Zemlya.)
• Khrushchev, surrounded past his aides and bodyguards, surveys an art exhibition. "What the hell is this green circle with yellow spots all over?" he asked. His adjutant answered, "This painting, comrade Khrushchev, depicts our heroic peasants fighting for the fulfillment of the programme to produce two hundred 1000000 tons of grain." "Ah-h… And what is this blackness triangle with red strips?" "This painting shows our heroic industrial workers in a factory." "And what is this fat ass with ears?" "Comrade Khrushchev, this is not a painting, this is a mirror." (The joke alludes at the Manege Affair, Khrushchev's thunderous denouncing of modern art at an exhibition at the Moscow Manege.)

Brezhnev [edit]

Leonid Brezhnev was depicted equally dim-witted, senile, ever reading his speeches from newspaper, and decumbent to delusions of grandeur.

• "Leonid Ilyich is in surgery." / "His heart over again?" / "No, breast expansion surgery, to make room for one more Gold Star medal." This makes reference to Brezhnev's elaborate collection of awards and medals.
• Early in the morning Brezhnev looked at the sky and smiled to the sunday. Suddenly the Sun said, "Skillful morning, dear Leonid Ilyich." Amazed and happy, Brezhnev told the Politburo members that even the sun knew him and greeted him personally. The Politburo men were skeptical but kept their doubts for themselves. Toward the evening, Brezhnev said to them, "I meet you don't trust my word. Allow's go outside and I will evidence you lot!" They walked out and Brezhnev said to the dominicus which was already low, "My dear Sun, good evening." The Sun answered, "Become to hell, you old idiot." "What'southward that?" Brezhnev shouted angrily. "Do you know who yous are talking with?" "I don't give a damn," the Dominicus said. "I'g already in the West, I practice what I want!"
• During Brezhnev's visit to England, Prime Government minister Thatcher asked the guest, "What is your attitude to Churchill?" "Who is Churchill?" Brezhnev said. Back in the embassy, the Soviet envoy said, "Congratulations, comrade Brezhnev, you've put Thatcher in her place. She will not inquire stupid questions any more." "And who is Thatcher?" Brezhnev said.
• An aide says to Brezhnev, "Comrade General Secretarial assistant, you lot wear today 1 shoe black and the other chocolate-brown." "Yep," Brezhnev answers, "I've noticed information technology myself." "Why didn't y'all alter?" "See, I went to change, but when I looked in the closet, there was besides one shoe brown and the other black." This refers to Brezhnev'southward senility.
• At the 1980 Olympics, Brezhnev begins his speech. "O!"—applause. "O!"—an ovation. "O!!!"—the whole audience stands up and applauds. An aide comes running to the podium and whispers, "Leonid Ilyich, those are the Olympic logo rings, you don't need to read all of them!"
• Coming together a foreign leader at the aerodrome, Brezhnev begins to read his prepared oral communication: "Dear and much-respected Mrs Gandhi..." ..." An aide comes running to the podium and whispers, "Leonid Ilyich, it's Margaret Thatcher." Brezhnev adjusts his glasses and starts once more: "Honey and much-respected Mrs Gandhi..." The aide interrupts him again, maxim, "Leonid Ilyich, it's Margaret Thatcher! Look!" "I know information technology'south Margaret Thatcher," Brezhnev replies, "merely this speech says it's Indira Gandhi!"
• After a speech, Brezhnev confronts his speechwriter. "I asked for a fifteen-minute speech, merely the 1 you gave me lasted 45 minutes!" The speechwriter replies: "I gave you three copies...."
• Somebody knocks at the door of Brezhnev'south office. Brezhnev walks to the door, sets glasses on his nose, fetches a slice of newspaper from his pocket and reads, "Who's there?"
• "Leonid Ilyich!..." / "Come on, no formalities amid comrades. Only call me 'Ilyich'." (Note: In Soviet parlance, by itself "Ilyich" refers by default to Vladimir Lenin, and "Merely telephone call me 'Ilyich'" was a line from a well-known verse form virtually Lenin, written past Mayakovsky.)
• Brezhnev makes a voice communication: "Everyone in the Politburo has dementia. Comrade Pelshe doesn't recognize himself: I say 'Hello, comrade Pelshe,' and he responds 'Hullo, Leonid Ilyich, simply I'm not Pelshe.' Comrade Gromyko is like a child – he's taken my rubber donkey from my desk. And during comrade Grechko'southward funeral – by the way, why is he absent? – nobody but me invited a lady for a trip the light fantastic toe when the music started playing."
• Brezhnev is dying; a doctor and some politburo are nowadays in the room. With his final breath, Brezhnev demands "Get me a priest!" and expires. But the doctor hears this clearly. A politburo member asks the doc what Brezhnev said. The doctor replies "Invade Afghanistan."

Quite a few jokes capitalized on the cliche used in Soviet speeches of the time: "Love Leonid Ilyich."

• The phone rings, Brezhnev picks up the receiver: "Hello, this is dear Leonid Ilyich...."

Geriatric leadership [edit]

During Brezhnev'southward time, the leadership of Communist Party became increasingly geriatric. Past the time of his death in 1982, the median age of the Politburo was 70. Brezhnev's successor, Yuri Andropov, died in 1984. His successor, Konstantin Chernenko, died in 1985. Rabinovich said he did not have to purchase tickets to the funerals, as he had a subscription to these events. As Andropov's bad health became common knowledge (he was eventually attached to a dialysis machine), several jokes fabricated the rounds:

• "Comrade Andropov is the most turned-on man in Moscow!"
• "Why did Brezhnev go abroad, while Andropov did not? Considering Brezhnev ran on batteries, merely Andropov needed an outlet." (A reference to Brezhnev's pacemaker and Andropov's dialysis motorcar.)
• "What is the main difference between succession nether the tsarist regime and nether socialism?" "Under the tsarist government, ability was transferred from father to son, and under socialism – from grandfather to grandfather." (A play on words: in Russian, 'grandfather' is traditionally used in the sense of 'old human'.)
• TASS announcement: "Today, due to bad wellness and without regaining consciousness, Konstantin Ustinovich Chernenko took up the duties of Secretary General." (The outset chemical element in the sentence is the customary form of words at the first of state leaders' obituaries.)
• Some other TASS announcement: "Beloved comrades, of grade you're going to laugh, but the Communist Party of the Soviet Matrimony, and the entire Soviet nation, has once again suffered a great loss." The phrase "of grade you lot're going to laugh" (вы, конечно, будете смеяться) is a staple of the Odessa humor and way of speech, and the joke itself is a remake of a hundred-year-quondam 1.^[xiv]
• What are the new requirements for joining the Politburo? You lot must now be able to walk six steps without the assistance of a cane, and say iii words without the assistance of newspaper.

Gorbachev [edit]

Mikhail Gorbachev was occasionally mocked for his poor grammar, merely perestroika-era jokes usually made fun of his slogans and ineffective actions, his birth mark ("Satan's marking"), Raisa Gorbachev'southward poking her nose everywhere, and Soviet-American relations.

• In a restaurant:

― Why are the meatballs cube-shaped?

― Perestroika! (restructuring)

― Why are they undercooked?

― Uskoreniye! (acceleration)

― Why accept they got a bite out of them?

― Gospriyomka! (state approving)

― Why are you telling me all this and then brazenly?

― Glasnost! (openness)

• A Soviet man is waiting in line to buy vodka from a liquor store, simply due to restrictions imposed past Gorbachev, the line is very long. The man loses his composure and screams, "I can't take this waiting in line anymore, I Detest Gorbachev, I am going to the Kremlin right now, and I am going to impale him!" After 40 minutes the man returns and elbows his way dorsum to his place in line. The crowd begin to ask if he has succeeded in killing Gorbachev. "No, I got to the Kremlin all correct, just the line to kill Gorbachev was even longer than here!"
• Baba Yaga and Koschei the Immortal are sitting by the window in the cabin on chicken legs and see Zmey Gorynych flight depression, cawing "Perestroika! Uskoreniye!" Baba Yaga: "This old stupid worm! Told him not to eat communists already!"
• Mikhail Gorbachev and his wife were on the train returning to Russian federation following a state visit to East Frg. After they'd been travelling a short while, his wife asked him: "Where are we now, Mikhail dear?" He put his mitt out of the window and said: "We're still in Frg, dear." Several hours after, his wife asked him again: "Where are we at present?" He put his hand out of the window and replied: "In Poland." Some fourth dimension later, his wife asked once more: "Where are nosotros now?" Gorbachev put his paw out of the window and said: "We're dorsum in Russian federation." His wife was curious; she asked: "How do you know where we are just past putting your paw out of the window?" He replied: "When I put my hand out in Germany, the people kissed it. When I put my mitt out in Poland, they spat on it. And when I put my mitt out in Russia, they stole my scout."
• An old adult female wanted to speak with Gorbachev. She wouldn't leave the Kremlin for days until finally Gorbachev agreed to meet her. Equally she walked into his part, they exchanged greeting, and she got to her indicate: "Sir, was communism created past politicians or scientists?" "Why, politicians of course" he replied. "That explains it," she said. "Scientists would have tested it on mice first."

Washington region committee [edit]

• Ronald Reagan awakens, all common cold. His married woman asks:

- Ronnie, what happened?

- My dearest, I've had a nightmare. It's 20-sixth CPSU congress and Brezhnev says: 'Honey comrades, we have listened to reports about situation in Bryansk and Orlov regions. At present, permit's listen to the Commencement Secretary of Washington CPSU committee, comrade Reagan.' And you know what? I have not prepared!^[15]

"The Soviet Union is the homeland of elephants" [edit]

In its declaration of national glories, the Soviet government claimed at various times, such as through Pravda publications, to have invented the airplane, steam engine, radio, and lightbulb, and promoted the pseudoscientific agricultural claims of Lysenko every bit office of Stalinist pseudohistory.^{[16] [17]} This was joked almost in the phrase "Homeland of Elephants [ru]" from the early on 1940s, sardonically claiming that the Soviet Wedlock was also the birthplace of elephants.^{[17] [eighteen]} An chestnut from Andrei Sakharov includes "(one) classics of Marxism-Leninism-Stalinism on elephants; (2) Russia, the elephants' homeland, (3) the Soviet elephant, the world's best elephant (4) the Belarusian elephant, the Russian elephant's petty blood brother."^[xviii]

The joke has persisted in the class of "Russia is the homeland of elephants" (Russian: Россия – родина слонов .)^[sixteen]

KGB [edit]

Telling jokes about the KGB was considered to exist like pulling the tail of a tiger.

• A hotel. A room for four with 4 strangers. Iii of them presently open up a bottle of vodka and proceed to get acquainted, then drunkard, so noisy, singing, and telling political jokes. The quaternary man badly tries to get some slumber; finally, in frustration he surreptitiously leaves the room, goes downstairs, and asks the lady concierge to bring tea to Room 67 in ten minutes. Then he returns and joins the party. V minutes later, he bends to a ability outlet: "Comrade Major, some tea to Room 67, delight." In a few minutes, there's a knock at the door, and in comes the lady concierge with a tea tray. The room falls silent; the party dies a sudden death, and the prankster finally gets to sleep. The next morning he wakes up alone in the room. Surprised, he runs downstairs and asks the concierge what happened to his companions. "Yous don't need to know!" she answers. "B-but...but what nearly me?" asks the terrified boyfriend. 'Oh, you...well...Comrade Major liked your tea gag a lot."
• The KGB, the GIGN (or in some versions of the joke, the FBI) and the CIA are all trying to bear witness they are the all-time at communicable criminals. The Secretary General of the United nations decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to take hold of it. The CIA people go in. They place beast informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. Subsequently three months of all-encompassing investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist. The GIGN (or FBI) goes in. After two weeks with no leads they fire the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming. The KGB goes in. They come out ii hours later on with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
• In a prison, 2 inmates are comparing notes. "What did they arrest you for?" asks the offset. "Was information technology a political or common crime?" "Of course it was political. I'one thousand a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party commission to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the unabridged system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years."^[11]
• A frightened human being came to the KGB. "My talking parrot has disappeared." "That'southward not the kind of case nosotros handle. Go to the criminal police." 'Excuse me, of form I know that I must become to them. I am here only to tell yous officially that I disagree with the parrot."^[11]
• The CIA wanted to transport a spy to the Soviet Union and the spy that was selected had incredible qualifications. He was fluent in Russian, had perfect Cyrillic handwriting, had a vast noesis of Soviet culture and mannerisms, could cook typical Soviet meals, and could keep upward his deed with a belly total of vodka. The mission was long-term infiltration of the Kremlin. The spy was dropped in a remote village where he approached a man and said, in perfect Russian, "Hullo comrade, tin can y'all please tell me which direction is Moscow?" The homo looked at him, and walked inside. Within minutes, the KGB was swarming the village and arresting the spy. While beingness interrogated, the KGB officials said "Quit the act, we know yous are an American spy." The spy was baffled they (particularly the human in the village) were able to tell so quickly, but tried to continue up the deed for equally long as he could. When he finally cracked, he said "Alright, alright, I'm a spy. I will tell y'all whatever you desire, just please simply tell me how you knew I was a spy because I devoted my whole life to perfecting my Soviet graphic symbol." The official said "You're black."

Quite a few jokes and other humour capitalized on the fact that Soviet citizens were under KGB surveillance even when abroad:

• A quartet of violinists returns from an international contest. One of them was honored with the opportunity to play a Stradivarius violin, and cannot terminate bragging most it. The violinist who came in last grunts: "What's so special almost that?" The first one thinks for a minute: "Let me put it to yous this manner: but imagine that you were given the chance to fire a couple of shots from Dzerzhinsky's Mauser..."^{[xix] [20]}
• An English athlete, a French athlete and a Russian athlete are all on the medal podium at the 1976 Summertime Olympics chatting before the medal ceremony. "Don't get me wrong" says the Englishman, "winning a medal is very nice, but I still feel the greatest pleasance in life is getting home after a long 24-hour interval, putting one'south anxiety upward and having a nice cup of tea." "You Englishman," snorts the Frenchman, "you take no sense of romance. The greatest pleasure in life is going on holiday without your wife, and meeting a beautiful daughter with whom you have a passionate love affair with before returning home back to work." "You are both wrong," scoffs the Russian. "The greatest pleasure in life is when y'all are sleeping at home and the KGB breaks your door downward at 3 AM, bursts into your room and says, 'Ivan Ivanovitch, y'all are nether arrest,' and y'all tin can answer 'Sorry comrade, Ivan Ivanovitch lives next door'."

Daily Soviet life [edit]

• Soviet police announces that no one is allowed outside his house later 7:00PM. At half dozen:30PM, a policeman notices someone exterior and shoots him. His fellow policeman asks "Why did yous shoot him? He had thirty more minutes until 7:00!" The policeman replied "I know where he lives, he would accept never fabricated information technology in time."
• About the American hot canis familiaris: "In Russia, we don't eat that part of the domestic dog." Told past Soviet emigree Yakov Smirnoff.
• Q: Which is more useful – newspapers or television? A: Newspapers, of course. You can't wrap herring in a Telly. (Variation: "You tin't wipe your ass with a TV" – a reference to the shortage of toilet paper in USSR, which forced people to employ newspapers instead.)
• "We pretend to piece of work, and they pretend to pay." (The joke hints at low productivity and subsistence-level wages within the Soviet economy.)
• Five precepts of the Soviet intelligentsia (intellectuals):
  • Don't call up.
  • If you think, and then don't speak.
  • If you think and speak, and so don't write.
  • If you think, speak and write, so don't sign.
  • If you retrieve, speak, write and sign, then don't be surprised.
• A regional Communist Party coming together is held to celebrate the anniversary of the Great October Socialist Revolution. The Chairman gives a speech: "Dearest comrades! Let's wait at the astonishing achievements of our Party afterward the revolution. For example, Maria here, who was she before the revolution? An illiterate peasant; she had but one dress and no shoes. And now? She is an exemplary milkmaid known throughout the entire region. Or look at Ivan Andreev, he was the poorest human being in this hamlet; he had no equus caballus, no moo-cow, and not even an ax. And now? He is a tractor driver with two pairs of shoes! Or Trofim Semenovich Alekseev--he was a nasty hooligan, a drunk, and a muddy gadabout. Nobody would trust him with equally much as a snowdrift in wintertime, equally he would steal anything he could go his hands on. And now he's Secretarial assistant of the Regional Party Committee!"^[11]

Some jokes ridiculed the level of indoctrination in the Soviet Union's education system:

• "My married woman has been going to cooking school for three years." / "She must really melt well by at present!" / "No, so far they've only got as far as the bit about the Twentieth CPSU Congress."

Quite a few jokes poke fun at the permanent shortages in diverse shops.

• A man walks into a shop and asks, "You wouldn't happen to have any fish, would you?" The shop assistant replies, "You've got information technology wrong – ours is a butcher's shop. We don't take any meat. You're looking for the fish shop across the road. There they don't take whatever fish!"
• An American man and a Soviet man died on the aforementioned 24-hour interval and went to Hell together. The Devil told them: "Yous may choose to enter two different types of Hell: the showtime is the American-style ane, where you tin can do annihilation you similar, only but on condition of eating a bucketful of manure every twenty-four hours; the second is the Soviet-style hell, where yous can Likewise do anything you like, but only on status of eating TWO bucketfuls of manure a day." The American chose the American-fashion Hell, and the Soviet man chose the Soviet-style one. A few months after, they met once again. The Soviet homo asked the American: "Hi, how are you getting on?" The American said: "I'grand fine, but I can't stand the bucketful of manure every 24-hour interval. How about you?" The Soviet human being replied: "Well, I'k fine, likewise, except that I don't know whether we had a shortage of manure, or if somebody stole all the buckets."
• "What happens if Soviet socialism comes to Saudi Arabia? First v years, zero; then a shortage of oil." (Variation: "...so a shortage of sand.")

A subgenre of the above-mentioned type of joke targets long sign-up queues for sure commodities, with look times that could be counted in years rather than weeks or months.

• "Dad, can I take the automobile keys?" / "OK, but don't lose them. Nosotros will get the motorcar in only 7 years!"
• "I want to sign upward for the waiting list for a car. How long is it?" / "Precisely 10 years from today." / "Morning or evening?" / "Why, what difference does information technology brand?" / "The plumber'south due in the morning time."

The higher up joke was famously mentioned by Usa President Ronald Reagan multiple times.^{[ citation needed ]}

Modernistic Russia [edit]

Boris Yeltsin [edit]

Boris Yeltsin presided over the gutting and selling of a lot of Russian government companies and a substantial increase in corruption, which became target for jokes.

• A human drives upwards to the Kremlin and parks his machine outside. As he is getting out a policemen hurriedly flusters over and says "You tin can't park there! That's right under Yeltsin'due south window!" The human looks perplexed for a second but so smiles and calmly replies: "No demand to worry officer, I made sure to lock the machine."
• Q: What did commercialism attain in ane year that communism could not do in lxx years? A: Make communism expect good.^[21]

Vladimir Putin [edit]

"Putin is holding a press briefing. The first journalist stands up: – I am from the Washington Post. What exercise yous say virtually the mass graves and the disrespect of man rights in Chechnya? Putin: – Next question. The second announcer stands up: – I am from the Daily Mirror. Is it truthful that there are concentration camps in Chechnya and that every day peaceful citizens are murdered in them? Putin: – Next question, please. The third journalist stands up: – I am from Süddeutsche Zeitung. Please clarify what is currently happening on the Strait of Kerch, if Tuzla is an isthmus or an island, and why Russians are edifice an beach there. Putin thinks for a moment, then looks at the outset journalist: – What did y'all ask near Chechnya?"^[8]

Many draw parallels betwixt Vladimir Putin and Joseph Stalin: his opponents do it accusingly, while neo-Stalinists proudly. Many jokes about past Soviet leaders are retold about Putin:^[22]

• Stalin appears to Putin in a dream and says: "I accept ii bits of advice for y'all: impale off all your opponents and pigment the Kremlin blueish." Putin asks, "Why bluish?" Stalin: "I knew you would not object to the beginning one."^[8]

Post-obit the offset of the 2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine many jokes started to be circulated online about the war and the rather disappointing results of the Russian Ground forces compared with the expectations ready past country propaganda:

• "According to Putin the tiny Ukraine is no match for our huge Russia and military. Whats the situation now?"/ "Russia has lost 15000 troops, half dozen generals, 500 tanks, three ships, 100 planes and 1000 trucks. Victory hasn't arrived still."
• Under orders of the State Media Oversight Commission, the next edition of "War and Peace" will be retitled, "Special Operation and Treason."
• "We are at present entering twenty-four hours 24 of the special military operation to take Kyiv in ii days."

Run across also [edit]

• East German jokes
• Hammer & Tickle
• Baldheaded–hairy
• Lenin was a mushroom
• And y'all are lynching Negroes
• Radio Erevan Jokes
• Fridge vs. Idiot box

References [edit]

1. ^ Davies, Christie (2007). "Humour and Protestation: Jokes under Communism". International Review of Social History. 52: 291–305. doi:10.1017/S0020859007003252. JSTOR 26405495. S2CID 146755591.
2. ^ ir.spb.ru http://www.ir.spb.ru/naum-218.htm. ^{[ permanent dead link ]}
3. ^ Brodsky Translating Brodsky: Poetry in Cocky-Translation, p. 120
4. ^ ^{a b} Ben Lewis (2008) "Hammer and Tickle", ISBN 0-297-85354-6 (a review online)
5. ^ "Hammer & tickle", Prospect Magazine, May 2006, essay by Ben Lewis on jokes in Communist countries,
6. ^ Миша Мельниченко, "Советский анекдот. Указатель сюжетов", item no. 25.
7. ^ A review of the Ben Lewis book, economist.com
8. ^ ^{a b c} Gullotta, Andrea (2014). "Gulag Humour: Some Observations on Its History, Evolution, and Contemporary Resonance" (PDF) (Punishment as a Crime? Perspectives on Prison Experience in Russian Culture): 89–110.
9. ^ "Становление личности сквозь террор и войну", by Grigory Pomerants, Вестник Европы, 2010, no. 28-29
10. ^ Alexander Solzhenitsyn, Gulag Archipelago, Ch. 19, "Zeks as a Nation"
11. ^ ^{a b c d e f thou} https://www.johndclare.net/Russ12_Jokes.htm 1 Hundred Russian Jokes
12. ^ "Graham, Seth (2004) A Cultural Assay of the Russo-Soviet Anekdot. Doctoral Dissertation, University of Pittsburgh" (PDF).
13. ^ Montefiore, Simon Sebag (2003). Stalin: The Court of the Red Tsar. ISBN978-1780228358.
14. ^ Валерий Смирнов, "Умер-шмумер, лишь бы был здоров!: как говорят в Одессе" , 2008, ISBN 9668788613, p. 147
15. ^ http://www.peoples.ru/anekdot/4168.shtml
16. ^ ^{a b} Berdy, Michele A. (2016-02-05). "Russia's Long Romance with Patriotism". The Moscow Times . Retrieved 2021-11-xx .
17. ^ ^{a b} Figes, Orlando (2002-x-21). Natasha's Trip the light fantastic toe: A Cultural History of Russia. Henry Holt and Visitor. p. 508. ISBN978-0-8050-5783-6.
18. ^ ^{a b} Brooks, Jeffrey (2021-04-13). Thank You, Comrade Stalin!: Soviet Public Culture from Revolution to Cold War. Princeton University Press. pp. 214–215. ISBN978-one-4008-4392-3.
19. ^ Adams, Bruce (2005). Tiny Revolutions in Russian federation: Twentieth Century Soviet and Russian History in Anecdotes. New York and London: RoutledgeCurzon. p. 69. ISBN0-415-35173-1.
20. ^ Pelevin, Victor (1994). "Sleep". A Werewolf Problem in Central Russia and Other Stories. Translated by Bromfield, Andrew. New York: New Directions Publishing. p. 61. ISBN978-0-8112-1543-5. So one day, when he savage asleep at a lecture, Nikita tried telling a joke of his ain in reply. He deliberately chose the shortest and well-nigh simple 1, about an international violinists' competition in Paris. He almost got through it, but stumbled right at the very end and started talking about Dnepropetrovsk geysers instead of Dzerzhinsky's mauser.
21. ^ Parenti, Michael (1997). Blackshirts and Reds: Rational Fascism and the Overthrow of Communism. City Lights Publishers. p. 116.
22. ^ "Communist jokes - Funny bones", The Economist

Sources [edit]

• Emil Draitser, Forbidden Laughter (1980) ISBN 0-89626-045-3
• Christie Davies, Jokes and Their Relation to Order (1998) ISBN 3-11-016104-4, Affiliate five: "Stupidity and rationality: Jokes from the atomic number 26 cage" (about jokes from beyond the Fe Drapery)
• Contemporary Russian Satire: A Genre Study
• Laughter through tears: Underground wit, humor, and satire in the Soviet Russian Empire
• Is That You lot Laughing Comrade? the World's Best Russian (Underground Jokes)
• Rodger Swearingen, What's then funny, comrade? (1961) ASIN B0007DX2Z0
• Dora Shturman, Sergei Tiktin (1985) "Sovetskii Soiuz v zerkale politicheskogo anekdota" ("Soviet Spousal relationship in the Mirror of the Political Joke"), Overseas Publications Interchange Ltd., ISBN 0-903868-62-8 (in Russian)
• Jonathan Waterlow, It'southward Simply a Joke, Comrade! Humour, Trust and Everyday Life under Stalin (2018) ISBN 978-1985635821
• Adams, Bruce (x Jan 2005). Tiny Revolutions in Russia: Twentieth Century Soviet and Russian History in Anecdotes and Jokes. Routledge. ISBN978-ane-134-26484-i.

External links [edit]

• 1001 Soviet political anecdotes in Wikisource (in Russian) 1001 избранный советский политический анекдот
• A collection of Russian jokes (in Russian)
• Political jokes about Tzars (in Russian)
• Soviet Jokes for the DDCI
• William Henry Chamberlin, "The "Anecdote": Unrationed Soviet Humor", The Russian Review, Vol. xvi, No. 3 (Jul., 1957), pp. 27-34

scotttescomirce.blogspot.com

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_political_jokes

Share this post